When You Are Addicted To Preparation

I’m addicted to being prepared.

This is an odd thing to say for me because my addiction to preparedness doesn’t necessarily mean I am perfect at it. I am notorious for creating charts and writing down plans and elaborate pathways to the goal I’d like to achieve, but my imperfection rears its ugly head when I begin to do way too damn much because occasionally I do more to get me lost than get me where I need to be.

Ok. Let me explain.

My real addiction is control.

If there is a problem (and there is always a problem), I immediately seek out what it is I can do to fix it or address it or affect the outcome. This character trait has won me a lot of positive feedback and praise from the right people, but it is also a quiet source of torment for me.

That’s because it’s impossible for everyone to control everything. And the moment I sense I have zero control, I start spinning out of control letting my imagination run wild with all the worst damn outcomes becoming realistic possibilities…

…in my head.

So to compensate for that…I try to prepare even more. Which sounds good and all, until I realize I’m killing myself preparing for events that may never happen: all in the name of control.