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Here Lies Zay

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Sep 9

The Time I Almost Killed Myself Trying to Do Michael Jackson’s Lean

I’m a huge Michael Jackson fan. Huge. Nowadays, being a “huge” Michael Jackson fan just means being a literal fatass listening to “Billie Jean” while eating Cool Ranch Doritos — but back in the day when I was like nine years old “huge” meant me literally trying to sing his…

Michael Jackson

4 min read

The Time I Almost Killed Myself Trying to Do Michael Jackson’s Lean
The Time I Almost Killed Myself Trying to Do Michael Jackson’s Lean
Michael Jackson

4 min read


Aug 6

A Kid’s Sole Purpose In Life Is To Waste As Much of Your Money As Possible

I became a father at the tender age of 19 years old. When my daughter was first born, trumpets sounded and angels sang a sweet harmonious melody as my beautiful infant girl came into the world and changed my life forever. …

Parenting

2 min read

A Kid’s Sole Purpose In Life Is To Waste As Much of Your Money As Possible
A Kid’s Sole Purpose In Life Is To Waste As Much of Your Money As Possible
Parenting

2 min read


Mar 23

The Stack

On my desk at home, where I spend most of my time during the week, there’s a stack of obituaries and funeral programs. There’s no unique display or organizational format that I follow that distinguishes them from the other books or piles of paper on my workstation. …

1 min read

The Stack
The Stack

1 min read


Oct 8, 2022

I Think I Might Be Gay

For as long as I can remember, I’ve liked girls. In fact, I remember the very first girl I ever had a crush on. …

Homosexuality

4 min read

I Think I Might Be Gay
I Think I Might Be Gay
Homosexuality

4 min read


Aug 22, 2022

Dark Green

In 2001, a year before I joined the Marines, I was only 22 with a two-year-old daughter and broke as shit. How broke you ask? So broke that me, my daughter’s mom, and my daughter lived together crammed in the basement of my mama’s split-level house. So broke, we used…

Military

11 min read

Dark Green
Dark Green
Military

11 min read


Aug 9, 2022

Where Do We Go From Here?

A couple of weeks ago, my father-in-law transitioned from this world into the mysterious place we all will eventually teleport to in the event of our inevitable demise. We all have our ideas of what or where that could be. Some might say Heaven (or Hell). Others may say some…

Death

3 min read

Where Do We Go From Here?
Where Do We Go From Here?
Death

3 min read


Feb 12, 2022

The Almighty State Street Prophet

About two years ago before COVID variants wreaked havoc on the normalcy of life, I actually commuted to work daily. …

Chicago

4 min read

The Almighty State Street Prophet
The Almighty State Street Prophet
Chicago

4 min read


Dec 29, 2021

Be Your Own Universe.

I’m about halfway thru a Christmas vacation filled with sleeping the entire morning, waking up at about noon, then marching down to the kitchen to prepare myself a nutritious “breakfast” of baked french fries & mini corn dogs. And I’m sure the image being projected into your head as you…

Self Love

4 min read

Be Your Own Universe
Be Your Own Universe
Self Love

4 min read


Oct 3, 2021

The Good, The Bad, and The Bears Fan.

I was six years old when I saw the Super Bowl Shuffle on TV for the very first time. And there are two things I can remember from this experience: How amazing it was that a song could be so gawd damn awful, but yet, so awesome at the same…

Chicago Bears

7 min read

The Good, The Bad, and the Bears Fan
The Good, The Bad, and the Bears Fan
Chicago Bears

7 min read


Aug 29, 2021

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Cool Ranch Doritos.

My mama did the best she could raising and providing for three greedy and seemingly ungrateful ass kids. …

6 min read

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Cool Ranch Doritos
Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Cool Ranch Doritos

6 min read

Here Lies Zay

Here Lies Zay

137 Followers

My life and thoughts thru humorous half-assery.

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